You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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