Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You're a waste of cheezeits
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
