conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
