phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
