and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
