remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
