you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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