I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
