Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
