Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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