Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
