oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
