he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
