I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
