I cockslap morals
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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