Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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