Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
where are my eyebrows?
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