Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
