bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
