I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
