In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
