is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
