i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
