He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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