Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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