i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
