I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Randomize
