Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
