Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
