It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
