Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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