But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
