dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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