No stitches, just platelets and will power
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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