So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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