Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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