The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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