my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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