Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
