This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
