I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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