my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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