I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
