It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
