Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
