I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
