Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
