my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
