i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
