Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
