Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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