If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
