I got chris browned last night
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
