Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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