WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
