Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
